March 1999

Clueless Companies

    This is sooo amazing... Before you read any further, check out Quaker Oats , you know, the guys with the Quaker guy as a logo, and sells oatmeal. Have you checked it out? I just can't believe this, it's an award for 'Black Women Community Leaders', and who's the sponsor? Why, none other than 'Aunt Jemima'! The first name in black women community leaders! I mean, come on, how on Earth did this actually make it out? I know what they're trying to do, which is change the image of Aunt Jemima, by associating it with people who've done good things, but I mean, it's about the weirdest change I've heard about in a long time.
    Actually, if you look back in history, this isn't the first radical connection a company (or individual) has made to try to change their image... An excellent example would be the Nobel Peace Prize... Original, Nobel got all of his money from developing weapons; of course, he wasn't trying to destroy the world or anything, but he felt that if he was able to make a powerful enough weapon, that people wouldn't use it, and it would bring about peace. Of course, right before he died, I imagine he realized that perhaps that wasn't the best approach to world peace, and he created the Nobel Peace Prize to honor those who took a more traditional approach. Of course, most people don't know the origin of the award, but if you say the word 'Nobel' to someone, they're probably going think 'Peace'. So, it appears that this approach can and has worked in the past.
    Ultimately, what interests me the most about this is the fact that it could actually make it up through the rank and file of the company, all the way into something they support, without anyone catching this! I think it all boils down to a kind of 'clueless' state that most large companies move into when they don't need to change or modify their practices for an extended period of time.

You could have won $10,000,000!

    Ok, this is so pitiful it defied description, but I'm going to give it a shot anyway. I was watching the CBS Evening News with Dan Rather, and they had this story about a group of people complaining to the government about all of that junkmail that you get that says you may have won _insert large amount here_, just buy some magazines or whatever and we'll cut you the check. Now, I must say right out of the gate that I don't particularly like this crap mail either, it's on a one-way trip into my trash can, so you would think I would be on the side of the people trying to stop these letters, right? WRONG! These people are SOOO lame, it's amazing that they can even function on society! Let me give you an example; one of the protesters was complaining that her father has sent in over $16,000 in the past 5 years... Ok, but here's the kicker, he sent in the money so that he could win one of the contests and send her to college! I mean, c'mon! Call me crazy, but if he could spend sixteen grand over the course of 5 years on this crap, then he could just have easily put that in the bank, right? I'm sorry, but what I hear her saying is: "Hey, listen government, my dad is an idiot, and I'm really bummed because he gave money to someone else when he should have given it to me. So why don't you bail me out gov'baby? That's what you're here for, right?". I think the funniest of these losers was this one lady who said her father was mad at her for going and doing this, because she was jeopardizing his chances of winning! hahahaha! It's soo crazy, it's gotta be true, and it could only happen in America. Not the fact that someone's' parents can do dumb things, but that the kids would think that the Government should give a crap if they waste their money!
    You know, the people I think are really lame aren't the people sending the money into these contests... It's their kids whining about their parents spending 'their' money! Give me a break, the bottom line is that it's their parents money, and their parents can spend it however they want! What a leech! "I don't like the way Dad's spending MY money." I tell you one thing, my friends, when I have kids, if they don't approve of how some way I spend money, I'll make sure to spend twice as much from then on, and make sure to let them know. Hell, if that happens to be contests, someone's got to receive all of those magazine subscriptions, right?

Alien Abductions

    I've been watching the 'Alien Invasion' week on TLC, which if you weren't aware is a two-hour special every night, related to UFO's. Now, as I was watching one of the segments on Alien abductions, a thought came to me as the woman was describing what happens to her when she's abducted. Basically, she says she get's abducted a couple of times each year, and then described one such abduction, where she wakes up late at night, can't move, and aliens hover her out of her bed and onto their spaceship. Anyway, this got me thinking... Wouldn't it really suck to be dating someone who was being abducted on a regular basis? Would they abduct you too, or could you just hang out until she got back? If she was spending the night at your place, could they find her there?
    Now, it really doesn't even matter whether or not it really is happening, just the fact that one person believes it's happening is more than enough... What are you going to say, "No honey, you weren't levitated into an alien spacecraft last night." That's probably not going to carry much weight with her. And just imagine if it really was happening, and they took you just because you were going out with her; I'd be pretty bummed out (assuming that they weren't just taking me to see if I could fly their ship, or to show me their planet, or some such nice thing). Could you imagine meeting someone you really liked, and then saying to them "By the way, I also get abducted by aliens sometimes... I just thought you should know" For some reason, I don't think that would go over too well. What about if two abductee's went out with each other? Would they get abducted twice as much, or would the aliens just schedule to pick them up at the same time?
    One part that does confuse me about the repeat abduction people is why they don't have any proof. Now, I can understand if you're just driving around on some dirt road, and some UFO decides to suck you up in their light beams; you probably weren't expecting that to happen, so the chances you're going to be able to do something is pretty slim. But if you're getting abducted a couple of times each year, why can't you? You know they're going to show up sooner or later, and you could just try a whole assortment of thing to attempt to document the abduction. It just seems to me that if this were happening to me, I would do everything in my power to attempt to prove this; if not just for me, for everyone else.

The Cadillac Eldorado

    That's right, another commercial ramble... This one for the Cadillac Eldorado. I really get a kick out of this commercial, and who it's geared towards, obviously men. But what really stands out for me in this commercial is how they make this reverse connection; let me describe the commercial first, and then I'll describe what I'm talking about. The commercial starts out circa 1960 or so, with this teenage couple coming out of a movie theater, now the boy gets distracted from his date by this attractive woman (probably in her 20's), driving by in a Cadillac of some sort. They do the normal car crap like showing it driving around on streets that have water on them to give it that 'just after a rainstorm' look, and then they fastforward to current day. Now it shows another teenage couple coming out of a theater, and the girl get's distracted from her date by the older guy (probably in his late 30's) driving by in a Eldorado.
    I really have to say that this is the most overt and weird temporal displacement connection I have ever seen in a commercial, especially that's geared so obviously to a specific gender. I mean, most teenage guys like older women, and most older men like younger women, and this commercial attempts to make the connection to this being a Cadillac. Of course, we're ignoring the fact that in reality, if a teenage girl was looking at an Eldorado driving by, she would probably not be admiring your 'ride', but probably trying to ascertain whether or not her father was driving the car. Of course, we're also ignoring the fact the in reality, even the boy in the circa 1960 segment was not in all likelihood admiring the Cadillac, but probably the woman driving it. I just think it's funny that they try to make the association of the Cadillac being the cause, instead of the advertising firm; next time you see this commercial, make sure to pay attention. Ahhhh, you gotta love marketing.